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I want to apologize to all of my faithful readers for not writing a blog recently, or one with any substance. The past few weeks has been quite the time taker. The last days in Calcutta went fast, Katie my traveling partner, was sick and spent 10 days in the hospital. Our traveling plans changed as she decided to head home early for a safe recovery. She is back home now and is doing well.

I took off from Calcutta and headed to Agra, as mentioned in the post below. Then over to Pushkar where I meet 8 other volunteers for the world's largest livestock fair! The annual Pushkar Camel Fair was ridiculous. Dancing camels, beauty contests (yes with camels), family circuses, sales, concerts in the desert. Pushkar was magical and such a relief. Being in the desert was fantastic after Calcutta. Beautiful sunsets and sunrises. After 3 days in Pushkar the group moved to Jaisalmer, the Golden city. We spent one night there and on the first morning we were off on a two day one night camel trek in the Great Thar Desert! Being alone in the desert with 8 other friends, camels, and the sand was magical. Such a great experience.

After the camel trek the group split ways, and Dan, from Denver, and I spent the day in the Jaisalmer fort. The best way to describe it: the film Aladdin. We walked around slowly being invited into many homes for free chai and conversation. Wonderful!

Dan and I headed south to Jodhpur for another fort and a city with all blue houses, narrow alley ways full of cows, and happy people.

From Jodhpur we traveled to Udaipur, where we are now. Udaipur is wonderful. Peaceful, calm, relaxing and home to part of James Bond's "Octopussy." We walked around this afternoon and were invited into more shops for conversation and Chai. I really think we are going to set a record for most free chai's in India. This eveing we are going to see the movie on a rooftop overlooking the lake palace where the movie was filmed.

Tomorrow we are heading north to Rishikesh. Yoga capital of the world. We are going to meet Hemly and Lee, both volunteers. We plan on settling down for around 7 days then heading into Nepal.

I apologize for not a more detailed description of the adventures, but I don't think a synopsis of my days would be very interesting, so as the author, I am going to focus on certain themes I have found throughout my trip.

One of the most important to me is honesty in friendship. Here is something I wrote in the Great Thar Desert when we were on the camel trek:

It's hard to describe where I am. I'm in the desert may be an appropriate way of starting out, but to follow I cannot use words, my photos won't do any justice either. Maybe you should visit? But I am sitting on a dune, higher than anything around me. I can only see dunes and desert for miles around.

This morning the sun woke up shortly after I did and casually lit our camp ground with it's daylight. A sunrise in the Great Thar Desert is more than magical, it's honest to the day. But before the sunrise was the full moon, and before the full moon was the most perfect sunset.

It was a sunset which gave life to the desert. A sunset which loves the viewer just as much as the viewer loves it. I fell in love with those colors that night. Or maybe I fell in love with my situation.

Dunes extending to all horizons. Clean air. Almost white sand. Shepard-less cows and instinctual goat grazing. Songs from the came drivers as they cooked dinner.

For the moment everyone was silent. All six of us. All of our similarities and differences, too. There nothing more than the extension of the sun's arms reaching for one last hug from any viewer saying "until I wake you up!"

We stood up to head down to camp. As we turned, guess who was smiling down on us: Senora Luna. It's not often one witnesses to beauties on either side of ourselves, capable of being visualized with our peripheries. We all smiled at each other thinking the same thing, actually that is not true, but our smiles were communicating the same words.

We made a campfire which immediately illuminated all details on our faces, details the full moon could not touch. We laughed, smiled, and shared the type of love many people don't believe in.

A very important conversation was held that night. One of reasons, expectations, experiences, and affirmations. Each traveler shared the reasons, motivations for leaving home, work, friends and family. Almost all are looking for something deeper than their situation they left. But what excited me was my age, I'm 19. The travelers I was with were 25-35. You figure out my excitement. I am content with my questions, my aspirations, and my current situation.

Then came questions and affirmations. The questions where to help guide one another, the affirmations to perpetuate the positivity with which illuminated everyone's actions.

When my turn came, less questions and more affirmations came. I think I had had the "why are you here" conversation with all the other's plenty of times for them to know the answers to most of their questions. So what they gave was gold, they gave affirmations. They spoke to my confidence I do not often see, to my love I only have recently learned exists, to the generosity I never considered, my abilities, and potential. Words of "thank you my brother" or " it has been a pleasure" or with your power, you can do anything" or "I love you." With these affirmations I was shocked. Words that tore deep inside of me, to a place of my soul I rarely have to visit: fear of ones self. If this is how people see me, is this who I really am? Do I really have any power?

It's not often that I fear myself. Actually, rarely am I scared of myself. I always am scared I lack something, or that I am not adequate enough, or fear my future, but never feeling like I am a person who can hold power, as mentioned. These months are the most honest I have been with myself and the most honest in terms of sharing with the world. These months I can justify almost every action and know why I did them and what emotion was cultivating and carrying out the action. But it's easy to be that when there are no expectations, and for some reason always graved with the presence of exceptionally beautiful people.

But if this is who I am when there are no expectations, which to me are pressures, then this is who I am at my core. I want to be this when I am here, home, with her, with him, with expectations. I can be this. I came to India particularly looking for this. I found it in the Great Thar Desert under a full moon, after a beautiful sunset and before a beautiful sunrise.

This is how I saw last night: six souls sitting under a full moon. Six souls sharing honesty and affirmations that really is. I know the affirmations where honest because in the desert far away from everything, all expectations, all material things, all make-up of different kinds, away from all skins we wear, we are who we truly are, who we truly are at our cores. When away from everything you don't see much but goodness and beauty, truth and reality. Nothing negative and dishonest was brought with us into the desert. All we were that night were perfectly reflecting mirrors for each other. A mirror with words. There was no bullshit, it was the most legit shit, EVER!
So what is this? What is this power? I have explained it in past blogs in many ways. In many actions, and in three words in particular: compassion, grace, and humility. All three words were affirmed that night in the desert. The last advice or at least suggestion I as given was to "you can conquer the world." This came from Dan, a 23 year-old student of life, traveler, compassion-ite, someone who I respect more than, well I don't know who, but I respect him with all my heart. The desert came make people delirious, hallucinate (with lack of water) and now, seemingly pretentious. But in those moments I found that it also makes people honest.

We slept in a line of 6 on the beds which turn into camel saddels by day. It's was hard to sleep after all that honest excitement. But also hard to sleep with camels farting in the distance, and a moon with all her companions, the stars, shinning brighter than any night light has or will. I feel asleep...

...I woke up as the sun casually broke over the dunes. I smiled because I had changed since last night, since I left Kalighat, since I left home on September 18th. I'm happy with my life. And with this much happiness in my heart I need to give thanks. So I want to thank all of you who have been a part of my life in any way shape, form, or feel. I want to thank all of you who are with me always, yes you, you know I am talking about you ;) I am thanking you for helping me get here to India, to The Great Thar Desert in whatever way you have. I thank you for reading this. The camels farts are getting closer so it's time to get going, back to the humps.

As we say every time we begin riding the camels "Chelo Pakistan" or "off to Pakistan!" Don't worry, Dad, we aren't really going to Pakistan. We are going to live fully in this day, with this day, through, until tomorrow, where we will do the same.

-=Namaste=-

;)