So Beautiful

She is so Beautiful. I've read her story multiple times. She has been described so many ways, she has so much history she is so fine. I've been told of her seductive charm and unforgiving stare.

The first times I was in her presence, we were at a grand ball. She is desired by all at the party, even for a simple conversation. Men watch from afar at those with her, only wishing he could be he. She charms those she's with, makes them laugh and want her. Every woman wants her too, that's how perfect she is. Everyone wants to know her, wants to lay with her, kiss her and touch her in the most intimate ways, but she is so intimidating.

That moment where we make eye contact everything pauses, it's like a shampoo commercial. As she wips her head from front to back her soft hair draws he head around. Her face is perfectly proportioned, structured, and young. I want it. She smiles at me saying she wants to get to know me, but I break that wave-length, and shy away with my eyes saying "NO" ;). Her white eyes are too strong for my moral soul. Oh how bad I want to know her. i watch her the whole night, hoping that she might escape the crowds and head for the beautiful gardens outside the ballroom. I would follow her and tell her the truth of how I feel, if we were alone. I can tell she doesn't like all the attention, she wants to be left alone, to rest, but never, there are just too many silly men and women who want her to heard their thoughtless and thoughtful ideas, she will never be alone, I will never be alone with her.

Will I ever find out who she is?

And this is only the ball, I see her in the streets too. I briefly forget about her existence and do my thing. But when I am happy, I realize it is beacuase of her. This makes me think I am beginning to understand her, this makes me even happpier. It's like waking up and really being a part of that love dream.

Another day comes and i again won't think of her. But then, I will get mad, sad, disconcerted, something will make me the opposite of the previous day and inevitably it is her fault. Or maybe my mine, for I am in her, she is everwhere. I am happy because I think I know her but then something honest will happen, something that only happens in her, because I am in her she is everyone's reality. I will never know her, I know this, I doubt anyone really understands why she is so perfect and how she can hold so much life in her, but then at the same moment crush so much, so much life, so much hope. So many people live in her, by her, with her. Many are just curios to see her, try and experience her, wanting to brief her Beauty, as do I, but she is just too much woman for anyone of us to handle.

I get mad beacuse she won't be mine, which means I will never understand her. I am mad that I will never be able to love her, I will never be able to hear her secrets, watch the sunrise with her. I won't lay with her, tickle her or make her giggle. But that is how it' s supposed to be. I come to live in her for a short while, to be charmed and enchanted, by her romantic Beauty. To be hardened and hate her. She gives me a full body "blue balls" sensation. It's with everone I meet, everything I do and experience that will let me get that degree closer to knowing her. I never will know her. I am okay with that. I will never be hers.

Calcutta is a Beautiful woman, enchanting and unforgiving who makes me bi-polar: thankful but mad.