My mind is blank.

Hello everyone.

I am not too sure what this post is going to be about. I have been thinking about the next theme for a new post, but nothing quite fathoms. Work has been intense. Getting up at 6 and returning at 1pm is quite tiresome.

The work that I do works with care for the destitute and dying. kailghat patients from the streets and cares for them until they are able to return to the streets, often they have infections, or wounds that can be take care of by the one certified nurse at Kalighat. She is a beautiful Italian woman I tend to call mama. She has been a nurse for 40 years and has spent the past 10 years in Calcutta, sensational.

Some patients who are not able to make it back into the streets receive love for the last days or hours of which they are on the earth. That is where the volunteers come in. We massage, bath, feed any patient who needs help. Often we assist the nurse in medical procedures, way cool!

I have been debating weather or not to share this live, but I asked the permission of his soul to share, so I hope it is okay. Last night a man passed away. He was put in the small morgue which Kalighat has. His final stop is the crematorium. I carried him there. Along with another Indian worker, we took him there. It was more than surreal. I am still afraid of sharing the details online (We can chat about the experience via email or when I return if you would like). The whole trip over I had a small memorial for the gentleman, as I sat in the back of the ambulance with him. I named him Carl and thought of what his life must have been like. As we passed through the streets of Calcutta I looked at the different age groups which he was once a part of. I imagined him playing cricket, walking alongside friends, laughing with individuals, and loving others. I said what prayers I knew and sang my new favorite song, which we learned at the mother house (it is a song used for volunteers who are having their last day of service, it's a playful way to say thank you.) We love we love we love you/ we love we love we love you/ we love we love we love you/ from our heart... I added my own verbs in the song which I found most appropriate.

The assistant and I carried Carl to the area of "departure," I guess the furnace? The assistant told me to wait with Carl. He left the building and hopped back into the ambulance and drove off. The building emptied out, I was alone in a crematorium with Carl. It was so surreal. I had many thoughts, I had a hard time making sense of the whole situation, but to be honest I don't even know what that means right now. Basically a man died and he had to be cremated, what more is it than that? I guess...

I sat in the Crematorium. I sat by the furnace. There were two. They were hot. There was a lobby, sort of, it had many marble-esque seats. The place was not inviting, hence why there were not people hanging out in the lobby. I don't know why anyone would hang out in the lobby of a crematorium in the first place, so maybe that was a stupid statement, the previous. There were 6 huge fans propelling war air around the room. Carl and I sat, I sang, he listened. I listened for any further wishes he wanted me to share with the world. Selfishly I couldn't get past my own thoughts, I was not capable of listening to hearts. I was scared.

The assistant came back carrying a wooden stretcher. We transfered Carl to the wooden stretcher. We placed the stretcher on a metal plank that was attached to a conveyer belt which moved things into the furnace. I pushed my friend into a beautiful new life of many oranges, yellows, and reds. He was moving on. I smiled and said my good bye. I know something more now. Only a little though.

Blessings on all of you. I am having a good time in the city. I visited the only place in Calcutta where one would see Indian couples affectionately touching. It was actually more than affectionately, it was somewhat intense. The couples groped under umbrellas. We walked, giggled, and took pictures. Last night I went to a bollywood movie with some of the Volunteers I work with. It was a blast! We attempted to go to a bar before the movie, but were kicked out of the first one, men only? The second one was super dimly lit and one could only see about an arms length infront of them, it was so smoky. I got an orange juice.

The movie made no sense but it was in a great theater. Tonight I am heading to a traditional Indian dinner at the house of one of the volunteers who is staying with an Indian family.

I am finding my place here. :)